Live With Lemony
by LemonyWickedAwesome
Summary: What would happen if Lemony had her own talk show. Well, your about to find out! Rated M to be safe, beware, this is a CRACKFIC!
1. Chapter 1

**Lemony:** I don't where the heck this idea crawled from out my little mind but here it is.

**Wicked:** Why do I get the feeling this is going to get…is there even a word?

**Awesome:** I doubt it. But lets watch.

**Lemony:** Hey, I'm in this fanfic!

Synopsis(Written by Nin-Ni Chan): What would happen if Lemony had her own talk show. Well, your about to find out!

*Disclaimer* Anything mentioned in this fanfic is NOT mine.

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On a stage, somewhere in Hollywood a star is born. She will get to the bottom of every story and reveal the truth. She'll give the hard facts and not hesitate to bring her journalistic duty to the public. Somewhere on a Hollywood filming set sits a desk and two armchairs where here she will get to the core of the matter. She will ask the tough questions, answer them, and dance the night away…LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

**Lemony:** Hi-Hi everyone! Welcome back to Live with Lemony! *sits behind desk*

**Audience:** YAY! Lemony! Lemony! Lemony!

**Lemony:** Oh stop it! You're embarrassing me!

**Audience:** WE LOVE YOU LEMONY!

**Lemony:** I love you guys too! *blows kisses* Alright but enough of that, since its our fist segment, I'd like to bring out our first guest!

**Audience:** Ooohhh…

**Lemony:** Ladies and gentle man, may I introduce the one, the only, Byakuya Kuchiki!

**Audience:** YAY!

**Byakuya:** *runs from backstage* *sits in arm chair*

**Lemony:** Welcome Byakuya to Live With Lemony!

**Byakuya:** It's good to be here.

**Lemony:** Now let's get down to business, Mr. Noble. My first question is, are you a natural blonde?

**Byakuya:** What? No.

**Lemony:** Ok, just testing you to make sure your paying attention. My first real question is, in the fanfic titled 'Horribly Wrong' is it true your where really under the influence of the evil cloud of horniness, or where you just using that as an excuse to act like an idiot?

**Byakuya:** I was under the influence of the cloud.

**Lemony:** Hmmm…good answer. Now is your yard sprinkler secretly plotting your downfall?

**Byakuya:** What no?

**Lemony:** LIAR!

Byakuya: I don't know wha-

**Lemony:** YOU LIE!

**Byakuya**: …

**Lemony:** Is it also true that Toshiro Hitsugaya smacked you on the butt?

**Byakuya:** Absolutely no-

**Lemony:** LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE! *bangs fists on desk*

**Byakuya:** It only happened once alright!

**Lemony:** Now we get to the truth. *hands Byakuya a tissue*

**Byakuya:** *cries hysterically*

**Lemony:** Its ok, let it all out. My next question is, Do you remember when your where attacked by a rabid squirrel?

**Byakuya:** Rabid squirrel?

**Lemony:** *pulls squirrel from under desk* His name is Yum-Yum and he wants to hug you!

**Yum-Yum:** Attack! *jumps on Byakuya*

**Byakuya:** HEEELLLLPPPP! CUT TO A COMMERCIAL!

**Lemony:** Well, it seems we're out of time for now, join us next week for Live With Lemony!

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**Lemony&Wicked&Awesome:** *rotflol* REVIEW


	2. Chapter 2

**Lemony:** Ok, a message to cazzybaby I write crackfics when I'm depressed. I have to make myself laugh or else I'd stay depressed.

**Wicked:** Good to see you out of the bathroom.

**Awesome:** To late now, I already ran around the block to the gas station!

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**Lemony:** Welcome back to Live With Lemony! Tonight our guest is Rangiku Mastsumoto!

**Rangiku:** *Runs from backstage* Hi everyone! *bows*

**Lemony:** Welcome Rangiku!

**Rangiku:** Hi-ya Lemony!

**Lemony:** Ok, now that we've said hello, time to get to some questioned. The one question everyone wants to know is, are your boobs real?

**Rangiku:** Of course their real, we don't have plastic surgeons in the Soul Society.

**Lemony:** Next question, are your boobs real?

**Rangiku:** I just told you yes.

**Lemony:** Are your boobs real?

**Rangiku:** YES!

**Lemony:** Don't yell at me because…are your boobs real?

**Rangiku:** YES!

**Lemony:** Fine I believe you, but I don't think the men in the audience do. They will touch them and then they'll be the judge.

**Men in the Audience:** Lemony! Lemony! Lemony!

**Rangiku:** Absolutely not!

**Lemony:** What do have t hide Ms. Mastsumoto?

**Rangiku:** Nothing!

**Lemony:** Nothing but silicon titties!

**Rangiku:** SHUT UP!

**Lemony:** ARE YOUR BOOBIES REAL OR NOT?

**Rangiku:** YES! They are real! Mother Nature blessed me with wonderfully large bosoms.

**Lemony**: Are we there yet?

**Rangiku:** What?

**Lemony:** Are we there yet?

**Rangiku:** Where are we going?

**Lemony:** Into the secret world of fake knockers! I, Lemony, will go undercover as false breasts to see what its like! But first I have to ask, are your boobs real?

**Rangiku:** UGH!

**Lemony:** Is that a yes or a no?

**Rangiku**: If I say no will you leave me alone?

**Lemony:** Probably not. But for the sake of the show, I'll ask another question. Is it true you have a pimp?

**Rangiku:** A pimp?

**Lemony:** Yes, someone who makes money off your fake tits.

**Rangiku:** NO!

**Lemony:** Lets bring out Rangiku's pimp! A Pimp Named Slick Back!

**A Pimp Named Slick Back:** Bitch! Where my money?

**Rangiku**: Say what?

**A Pimp Named Slick Back:** I paid good money for those false boobies and now they ain't making me no money! Now what's wrong with this picture?

**Rangiku:** I'm so confused.

**Lemony:** So are your boobs, but we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor!

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**Lemony:** *laughs hysterically*

**Wicked:** Wow folks! *laughs*

**Awesome:** *rotflol* REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

**Lemony:** Alight, the crack will continue!

**Wicked:** Much to all of our enjoyment.

**Awesome:** ONWARD WITH THE CRACK!

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**Lemony:** Hi-Hi! We're back! We hope you didn't miss us too much!

**Audience:** Lemony! Lemony! Lemony!

**Lemony:** Aww you guys are so sweet! But now we have to introduce our next guess…Toshiro Hitsugaya!

**Toshiro:** *runs from back stages* Hello, *waves*

**Lemony:** Welcome Captain Hitsugaya!

**Toshiro:** Hi Lemony!

**Lemony:** Are you ready for your question?

**Toshiro:** Yes,

**Lemony:** Tell a joke.

**Toshiro:** That's not a question.

**Lemony:** Tell a joke.

**Toshiro:** I don't do jokes.

**Audience:** TELL A JOKE! TELL A JOKE!

**Toshiro:** Alright, um…er…why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

**Lemony:** Why?

**Toshiro:** Because he was dead.

**Audience:** BOOOOOOOO!

**Lemony:** neh, that was horrible joke! No bacon for you!

**Toshiro:** What? Bacon?

**Lemony:** No waffles either!

**Toshiro:** What if I'm hungry?

**Lemony:** HEY! I'm suppose to ask the questions! Now, do you want to hear a funny joke?

**Toshiro:** Sure…I guess.

**Lemony:** Ok, what do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

**Toshiro:** I don't really want to know.

**Lemony**: Wrong answer. You get a dick-tater! Get it? (say it to yourself and then you'll get it.)

**Toshiro:** That was stupid.

**Lemony:** Yo momma stupid!

**Toshiro:** What?

**Lemony:** And she went to college!

**Toshiro:** Huh?

**Lemony:** Luke, I am your father…

**Toshiro:** My name is not Luke nor are you my father and you're a woman!

**Lemony:** Join the darkside , we have cookies.

**Toshiro: **I don't like sweets or the dark.

**Lemony:** You suck Rangiku's tig o' fake bitties!

**Toshiro:** Excuse me?

**Lemony:** NO BACON FOR YOU!

**Toshiro:** Can I have pancakes?

**Lemony:** Noooo, but you can get pushed down some stairs.

**Toshiro:** Wait! *is bomb-rushed by audience* *carried outside* *pushed down some stairs* Ofph! Ofph! Ouch!

**Lemony:** Men are like slinkys they bring you joy when you push them down the stairs. Anyways, we're out of time, bye-bye for now!

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**Lemony&Wicked&Awesome:** HAHAHAHAHAHA!...REVIEW.


	4. Chapter 4

**Lemony&Wicked&Awesome:** *Continues to ROTFLOL*

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**Lemony:** Weee'rrrreee back! I hope we didn't keep you waiting for too long!

**Audience:** WE WORSHIP THE GROUND YOU WALK ON, LEMONY!

**Lemony:** You guys get sweeter and sweeter everyday! So for my wonderful audience, I have a wounderful treat…or next special guest…Gin Ichimaru!

**Gin:** *runs from backstage* Hi! *waves*

**Lemony:** Welcome, welcome Gin! You silver stud muffin!

**Gin:** Lemony you flatter me.

**Lemony:** Not for long…

**Gin:** What?

**Lemony:** Nothing! Now onto our first question, in the fanfic titled 'Battle of the Sexes' is it true you ate tainted brownies and then had poison ivy on your ass?

**Gin:** Unfortunately.

**Lemony:** Did you have to scratch your booty?

**Gin:** Yes, it was infected by poison ivy.

**Lemony:** Argh! Show the audience your booty!

**Gin:** Hello no.

**Lemony:** *sniffle* *sniffle* *tear*

**Audience:** YOU MADE LEMONY CRY! YOU BASTARD! NOW SHOW US YOUR ASS!

**Gin:** Fine…fine *shows pale ass to audience*

**Lemony:** I'm not sure you wanna do that Gin.

**Gin:** Why?

**Lemony:** Don't you remember in the fanfic titled 'Silver Moon' a squirrel ran past you in the park?

**Gin:** Yes,

**Lemony:** Well, that squirrel was bitten by Akane and now he's a werewolf squirrel, his name is Yum-Yum. *pulls squirrel from under desk*

**Gin:** So?

**Lemony:** Well, as of now…IT'S A FULL MOON! *points to Gin's ass*

**Gin:** Oh shit…

**Yum-Yum:** Attack! *jumps on Gin*

**Gin:** *runs around pants-less* LEMONY GET YOUR STUPID SQUIRREL!

**Lemony:** Yum-Yum's not stupid, he's very intelligent! Aww look, he's… wait…what the hell is he doing…

**Yum-Yum:** *humps Gin's ass*

**Gin:** I'M BEING RAPED BY A SQUIRREL!

**Lemony:** *takes spray bottle from under desk* *sprays Yum-Yum* NO! BAD YUM-YUM! NO HUMPING! *sprays Yum-Yum*

**Yum-Yum:** *humps ass like he really means it*

**Lemony:** Oh would you look at the time, We're out of time for today! Bye-bye for now! YUM-YUM STOP HUMPING HIM!

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**Wicked&Awesome:** HAHAHAHAHAH!

**Lemony:** Woooow, Yum-Yum the rabid, werewolf, humping squirrel…*ROTFLOL*...Review.


	5. Chapter 5

Lemony: I have an ice cream cone and I'm going to eat it.

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**Lemony:** Sorry for that short intermission, we had a bit of problem with Yum-Yum. But…how is my favorite audience?

**Audience:** WE MISSED YOU LEMONY!

**Lemony:** Awwww, I missed you too, but now we move onto our next guest, Sosuke Aizen!

**Aizen:** *runs from backstage* Hi everyone.

**Lemony:** Hello, hello dearest Sosuke.

**Aizen:** Hi Lemony.

**Lemony:** Now, on to our first question: in the fanfic titled 'Horribly Wrong' is it true that you turned into a monkey until you got laid?

**Aizen:** Yes, I was transformed into an ape.

**Lemony:** At least you're honest monkey-boy.

**Aizen:** Don't call me that.

**Lemony:** I'll call you whatever I want, monkey-boy.

**Aizen:** Stop that.

**Lemony:** Stop that.

**Aizen:** Stop mocking me.

**Lemony:** STOP MOCKING ME!

**Aizen:** STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!

**Lemony:** Ooooohh, is monkey-boy getting mad?

**Aizen:** Stop it!

**Lemony:** AIZEN WANT HIS BANANA!

**Aizen:** But I hate bananas.

**Lemony:** BAAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAANNNNNAAA!

**Aizen:**…

**Lemony: **Do you want to touch my banana?

**Aizen:** Come again?

**Lemony:** ASK ME ABOUT MY WEINNNNEERRR!

**Aizen:** huh?

**Lemony**: I pooted.

**Aizen:**…what?

**Lemony:** Do you want to touch the banana in my pants?

**Aizen:** you're a GIRL! You don't have a banana!

**Lemony**: *pulls banana from pocket* You have a dirty mind Sosuke!

**Aizen:** No wait!

**Lemony: **You don't have a banana, you have a banana and furry kiwis in your pants.

**Aizen:** And I'm the one with a dirty mind?

**Lemony:** Aizen has a fruit-salad in his pants. BANANAS IN PAJAMAS! Trapped in Aizen's pants!

**Aizen:** What?

**Lemony:** I WANT A BANANA! Give me the banana in your pants monkey-boy!

**Aizen:** Hell to the no!

**Audience:** BANANA! BANANA! *bomb rushes Aizen* *steals banana* *gives banana to Lemony*

**Aizen:** I was gonna eat that.

**Lemony:** I know monkey-boy. Too bad for your lovely lady lumps.

**Aizen:** I give up.

**Lemony:** HUT! HUT! HIKE! *throws football to Aizen*

**Aizen:** *catches football* What the heck?

**Random Football Team:** GET HIM!

**Aizen:** Oh shi- *is tackled by random football team* Ouch! Ofph! Ofph!

**Lemony:** Awww Aizen you could have gotten a field goal! Oh well.

**Aizen:** AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

**Lemony:** …Use your inside voice please. Anyways, we're out of time for today! See ya next time on Live With Lemony!

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**Lemony:** No comment. *rotflol*


	6. Chapter 6

**Lemony:** Ok everyone knows I write crackfics on one of two occasions: When I'm sad or when I have writers block. I'm going through a little both right now, so from that a crackfic has sprung.

Wicked: And your running on RockStar…your hyper as hell.

**Awesome:** You are going to buy me more RockStar! You drank it all!

**Lemony:** And now, I have to pee…

* * *

**Lemony:** We're baaaaaaacccckkkk! Why does it seem like its been forever?

**Audience:** BECAUSE IT HAS LEMONY! BUT WE STILL LOVE YOU!

**Lemony:** Awww, I love you too! And now for our next guest…Rukia Kuchiki!

**Rukia:** *runs from backstage* *waves* Hi everyone!

**Lemony:** Now on to our first question, is it true that in every fanfic you've had lemons with Gin?

**Rukia:** Yes.

**Lemony:** SLUT!

**Rukia:**…what?

**Lemony:** I didn't say anything, are you hearing things?

**Rukia:** You called me a slut!

**Lemony:** No I didn't.

**Rukia:** Yes you did.

**Lemony:** I did not.

**Rukia:** Did too!

**Lemony:** YOU GONNA MAKE BISCUITS?

**Rukia:**…what!

**Lemony:** YOOOOUUUU GOOONNNNAAAA MAKE BISCUITS! I had to say it again because I know you're kinda slow...

**Rukia: **I don't even like biscuits…

**Lemony:** I NOT YO' DADDY, I'M YO GRANDPA!

**Rukia:** No you're not! You're psycho!

**Lemony:** Yes, yes I am. Do you know what else I am?

**Rukia:** I'm not sure I want to know…

**Lemony:** I'M A SEXY BEAST! *poses*

**Audiance:** *snaps pictures* MAKE LOVE TO THE CAMERA'S LEMONY!

**Lemony:** *poses* *kissy face* *makes love to camera**sits back down*

**Rukia:**…o.O

**Lemony:** LET THE CHURCH SAY YEEEAAAAHHH!

**Rukia:**...ok your insane…

**Lemony:** That's right, don't be jealous of my boogie. *snaps fingers*

**Rukia: **Your what?

**Lemony:** DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?

**Rukia:** No because you're speaking nonsense!

**Lemony:** TURN MY SWAG ON! *clicks light switch* SWAG ON! SWAG OFF! *clicks light switch*

**Rukia:**…huh?

**Lemony:** That's what I thought. *folds arms*

**Rukia:** Hold the hell on-

**Lemony**: We're out of time for time for today *hits eject button*

**Rukia:** *gets blown out of seat and into studio parking lot* AHHHHHHHH!

**Lemony:** *waves fist* That's what you get for sleeping with my husband, Gin!...skank.

**Audience:** YAY LEMONY!

**Lemony:** And now, a word from our sponsors…

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**Lemony&Wicked&Awesome:** HAHAHAHAHA!

**Lemony:** I gotta stop drinking RockStar…REVIEW!


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